...dating was the craziest thing in the world?

Dating. I think it should be a 4-letter word. Really. (D-A-T-Ing) I don’t even know if you want to get me started, so continue reading at your own discretion. (Danger: May contain certain health risks)

It’s not that I’m bitter or anything (really- I don’t mind that I’m not dating anyone- I have seriously WAY too much fun getting to know different people.) and don’t get me wrong I love dating- it’s fun and sometimes it would even be nice to have a boyfriend. But there is a point of no return… when it drives other people NUTS!

Please, if I ever become like this shake me violently and force a few drinks of really cold ice water down me.

Today I’m going to let you in on a secret: “Seven habits of highly annoying daters” Ready?

1- The Prayer Hug. This is not an original label- It’s copyrighted to one of my good friends, Cameran who has studied this quite extensively. It fits though. The Prayer hug is especially common in church- specifically Singles wards (thus the “prayer” part). It is when two people can’t stop the contact with each other for a few hours in church- okay I’m fine with the guys arm around the girl. Whatever. But when it turns into arms and heads intertwined and you can’t tell who is who from the back- it’s a problem…and it’s SUPER distracting. Gross.

2- Sticky hands syndrome. (AKA Super Glue hands syndrome depending on the severity) This is fairly similar to the Prayer hug only your hands are stuck together (bonus: BOTH hands). Lamp Post? Oh well… can’t let go. Small hallway? Squish through side-by-side. In the car? Hope it’s not stick shift. This can also apply to sitting on laps (ugh!) heads together, lips (get a room)… anything really. It makes us all uncomfortable.

3- The snowFLAKE. In my experience with every one of my friends, the second they get serious (even worse when they get engaged!) with a guy/girl the friendship you had suddenly becomes conditional- in favor of the significant other. Phone calls aren’t returned, texts aren’t responded to, and plans are cancelled… which leads to my next one when plans too happen…

4- The Friends date… Ever had one of those times when you just need a girl (or a guy) night? Yeah… no such thing with those friends who are dating someone. “I know we’re getting our nails done/watching a chick flick/going shopping/etc. but John might (secretly meaning will) come with me at the end (meaning ASAP).” Really?... You think he’d enjoy that?... Really? You think I’d enjoy that?.... Really? Do you want the BFF and the BF to be friends… Good Luck, my friend… good luck. Just, please- don’t cuddle on the couch while I’m there.

5- Speed-dating. When you know- you know (or so I hear… ) but do you think you know someone in a month? What’s their favorite color? What’s their preference of topping on a pizza? What about ordering at Olive Garden- Do you know their item of choice? How many kids do you want? Are they done with school? Happy with a High School diploma? Associates? Bachelors? Masters? PhD? I know a lot of this pent up frustration is because of the culture/area I was raised in- but seriously! A MONTH! 4 weeks! 30 days! It’s like a race to get married! Even more annoying is when the “prayer hug” and “sticky hands syndrome” stages start after only a day or two. Good Luck to ya… and much happiness.

6- The Eterni-daters. These are the ones that date for eternity- and I don’t mean like “aww.. you still go on dates after you’re married. Cute…” no… the ones that are all over each other and really should break up because they fight all the time but are so comfortable with each other they are scared to break up. They use each other as a cuddle buddy basically. Lots of PDA going on- not so much progression in the relationship. You’re only hurting each other- preventing you from dating other people who you really COULD progress with. (again… my culture/area affects my perception—anything over a year or two is considered a really long time. MY ideal? A year)

7- Spous-tus. What is this you ask… well do any of these look familiar:
“Mary Jane is missing her hubby”
“Mary Jane loves her husband SOOO much”
“Mary Jane is cuddling with her hubby”
“Mary Jane has the most wonderful husband”
“Mary Jane is watching a movie with John- her amazing husband tonight”
“Mary Jane misses John- only 3 more hours baby! Love you!! ”
“Mary Jane misses John- only 2 more hours!<3 <3 <3”
“Mary Jane misses John- only 23 more minutes till I get to see my honey muffin!”
“Mary Jane hopes her wonderful Hubby gets feeling better. Get well, Sweetums!”
“Mary Jane is annoying her friends with all the ridiculous status updates about her Husband”
(okay maybe not that last one…) It’s true. Okay, we know you love your husband/boyfriend. I’m PRETTY sure you wouldn’t have married/started dating him if you didn’t. Mostly… I think so at least. Is it really necessary to tell us every 5 minutes with your Facebook/Twitter Status? Really? (I could include with that make out profile pics- sick. We don’t need that.)


And there you have it. This list isn’t all encompassing but it is my top 7. And now you say to yourself “NOW I understand why she’s not married… bitter girl she is!” Like I said earlier, I promise I’m not bitter- just annoyed. (Sometimes being bitter is a marketable skill in the dating world...maybe.) I DO like to see my friends happy- I love to be involved in all the girly fun stuff of hearing their engagement story, ogling at the ring, helping to plan the wedding, and of course going to it- but it’s when the “lovey-dovey” gets in the way of what’s important- Respecting other people and the relationships you have other than with Mr. or Mrs. Right.
I’m sure that there are some things I unknowingly do that annoy other people. (Next up one someone else’s blog “7 Habits of Highly Annoying Mickelles”)

But it’s therapeutic to write about it- and maybe the daters will think twice before giving into their habits. Old habits die hard.

Okay, okay I’m getting off my soap box again. (apparently it’s well used) Until next time…